So, I went to a sex party. I did this on behalf of the Passionfruit Tribe thank you Passionfruit! It describes itself as:. It sounds like an orgy with a personality and a degree.
Firstly, a pre-party consent workshop from 1pm to 6pm. This is compulsory to attend the party. Then the party itself from 8pm - Midnight. Finally, a debrief and integration session on Sunday, 11am - 2pm.
Well I was freaking nervous as I walked up to the venue very non-descript from the outside on a quiet road off Lygon Street. A lot of my myths were smashed by first impressions alone. Comfy cushions on the floor as well as chairs for those that prefer them , bare walls, it has a yoga studio meets minimal living room vibe.
And then there were the people attending about 30 of them. It looked like the number 9 tram diverted and plopped a carriage of folks into the space; all body types, hair styles, clothes styles and ages over 18 only of course. It did skew towards an older crowd, probably lates as an average age. We started with conversation exercises in groups, asking each other why we were there, and if we were worried about feeling unwelcome in any way. It became clear we all had our own hangups and shame we were grappling with.
We all had stories around why we would be unwelcome or invisible in a sexual space. Generally it felt like we were all there for similar reasons around two themes : permission to feel ok about sexy stuff, and to learn something new about ourselves. Then we moved on to partnered exercises. Nothing sexual happens in the workshop. Instead the partner-based exercises are to learn consent through simple touch and employing the traffic light system : Green keep going , Orange change to something else , Red stop everything.
